Let's be elite

Now, you may disagree with some of these, and some of these might apply to you, too, but collectively, this is my list of 10 reasons that I'm better than you:

1. I'm listed on the IMDB.

2. I can roll out of bed to my computer and I'm at work. And I'm my own boss.

3. If there was a global famine, I could hibernate and live off the 6,000 pounds of body fat I have. As long as I had a rag on a stick to use to wash myself, I'd be set.

4. I'm a lawyer. Lawyers are the cockroaches of the human population. We'll live forever and are a higher evolved species.

5. I know all of the lyrics to every Weird Al song ever made.

6. I know the difference between "you're" and "your", and "they're", "their" and "there".

7. I am familiar with the methods necessary to survive a zombie outbreak.

8. The New York Times quoted me as an expert for attorneys looking for jobs. And they were right.

9. I am a consummate salesman. I can sell ice cubes to Eskimos.

10. I get my brand new TV today - a 55" Sony Grand WEGA LCD HDTV!!!! And now I can finally be a complete slave to television!

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