Avitable-isms: Tact is for the weak: A few things for you to enjoy before your weekend

A few things for you to enjoy before your weekend

Whenever I don't have anything interesting, funny, or controversial to say (90% of the time), I rely on posting humorous links, videos and other weird shit that you may not have seen before. So here goes, and enjoy your weekend!

1. Have you ever wanted to watch a video with a vagina being laced like a football or sneaker? Then you're in luck.

2. Here's a great police report about a guy who got caught having sex with sheep, in California! Read the whole report for the officer's dry recital of the events, including the fact that the "ewe's anal area was shiny as if lubrication had been applied".

3. A guy named Jason used Craigslist to post a sexually provocative ad as a woman seeking men, and then posted all the personal information and frightening naked photos that men sent him. Is it illegal? I think so. Amusing? Definitely. Thanks to Rik for the link. (Here's another version of it that will take a while to load but is much easier to read and follow.)

4. And finally, here's a wonderful classic video of someone having the world's most disgusting pimple popped and removed from his ass.

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I am Avitable. Currently, I live in Orlando, where I collect comic books and masturbate to midget horse porn. I am married, and my wife lets me be the true geek that I am. I fear vegetables and sunlight. I love my friends and family dearly and hate everyone else tremendously.

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This blog is the personal property and private opinion of Adam Heath Avitable. This blog is a work of fiction, the names in this blog are fictitious, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. On a less serious note, if you're reading this, you agree to send me three dollars for every word you have read. Just by reading this far, you owe me $111.00 now. If you are wearing pants or any type of pant-like clothing, you must remove them immediately. This blog is pants-free. If you're sitting in your underwear and socks, you're ok by me. You further agree that you have a sense of humor, you're not easily offended, and you can quote at least 28 lines from "The Simpsons" ("Me fail English? That's unpossible!" doesn't count). If you know me pre-blog, you must comment on at least one article. It's only fair. I'd do it for you. C'mon, just do it. Come on! Come on! Come on! If you're new to this blog, then you'd better fucking comment. Why bother reading it otherwise, jerk? If you have any amateur porn on your computer of you and your loved ones engaging in interesting activities, please send it to me immediately. You will get nothing in return. If while readi1ng this blog, you laugh hysterically, fall off your seat, pee just a little in your pants, and pull down your monitor on your head, I'm not liable. If you get up in disgust and walk away, completely unamused, trip on the mass of wires next to your computer and end up with your mouse lodged in your right eyesocket, I'm not liable. If you're reading this blog and you fall asleep because it sucks horribly, and you land facefirst on your keyboard and have a permanent "Y" stuck in your forehead, I'm not liable, but send me a pic so I can laugh at you. If you suffer emotional distress from my laughing at you, then you can sue. VERY IMPORTANT!! If you have, at any point in your life, participated in or enjoyed any of the following activities (watched wrestling, visited a NASCAR track more than once, watched Jeff Foxworthy, finger fucked your cousin, know one or two country music stations by their call sign, name and slogan, eaten roadkill, purchased furniture or electronics from rent-to-own, slept in your own puke for more than one consecutive evening, or worn a baseball cap backwards), you must close this window, shut off your computer, grab the nearest utensil, and shove it directly into your belly button. Then lift straight up, twisting a little, until you feel a slight *twinge*. If you've read this far, you can Paypal me $1266.00 now.