Avitable-isms: Tact is for the weak: Creature of habit

Creature of habit

I am a creature of habit. I crave routine and familiarity. One prime example of this would be my restaurant ordering habits. There are pretty much only two things that I will eat in a restaurant, depending on its quality.

In a low-end place like Chili's, Ruby Tuesday's, Denny's, TGI Friday's, or any other place with flair, I'll get a bacon cheeseburger with fries. All vegetables will have to be removed - no lettuce, tomato, onion, or any of that shit. I'll apply ketchup and mayonnaise, and then get a separate cup of mayonnaise for dipping my fries.

In a middle-of-the road place all the way to higher-end place, I'll have steak. If possible, it will be filet mignon, medium rare, cooked Oscar-style, with mashed potatoes infused with some type of delicious butter, like parmesan peppercorn or something. If I have no choice, I'll have a boneless sirloin.

In addition, I only drink Diet Coke. I don't drink water, I don't drink juice, and I don't drink alcohol.

So why is it that when I go out to restaurants with my friends, wife, and others who know me very well, they always ask: "So, what are you going to get?"

It's enough to drive a man crazy. Well, in my case, crazier than I already am.

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I am Avitable. Currently, I live in Orlando, where I collect comic books and masturbate to midget horse porn. I am married, and my wife lets me be the true geek that I am. I fear vegetables and sunlight. I love my friends and family dearly and hate everyone else tremendously.

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