Avitable-isms: Tact is for the weak: Creepy

Creepy

I've currently got 60 or 70 auctions running on eBay, where I'm auctioning off all of my old Maxims and Playboys, to make room in my office.

Anyways, I sold about 15 Playboys to this one guy, and he sent me a creepy message:

I received the magazines today and have enjoyed looking at them. I can't wait to really enjoy them tonight. I left positive feedback for you. Thanks for the great magazines.

Great. Thanks. I really wanted to know about your plans for furious masturbation tonight. Fucker.

12 Thoughts:

Dave2 said...: Thanks for the great entry today. I have enjoyed looking at it. I can't wait to REALLY enjoy it tonight when I get back to my hotel room after work.; 5/24/2006 2:11 PM
Poppy said...: Avi, you're so funny. What did you expect from selling Playboys on eBay??? :)

I have a ton of Maxims, but I don't want to sell. I wish I could use a transporter to send them to you for free so you could sell them (for you to get money, not for me to have you sell stuff for me, that's just RUDE).; 5/24/2006 2:26 PM
Su said...: Heavens forbid the guy should try to sell them on eBay at a later date!

"Slightly used magazines, in good condition. Some pages may be stuck together."; 5/25/2006 6:25 AM
Avitable said...: Dave: Sexy!

Poppy: You should sell them - I get between $4-6 per issue, and sometimes people pay as much as $15-20 per issue!

Su: I bet he cuts out centerfolds, glues them to pillows that he's cut a hole in and fucks them on a nightly basis. That's my guess.; 5/25/2006 8:14 AM
Avitable said...: I actually just shipped one winning auction to Germany.

Email me your address and I'll send you one.

adam (at) avitable (dot) com; 5/25/2006 8:35 AM
Webmiztris said...: lmao! well, at least he's honest! TOO honest!; 5/25/2006 10:30 AM
Carolyn said...: I just hope he's not actually reading them. I don't get used porn, we've got several adult book exchanges which just freak me out, I'll take my porn new thanks. You can also get how to sex books in the library but you have to ask at the information desk.

"hello 80 year old volunteer may I have one of the sex books please?"; 5/26/2006 9:37 AM
Grant said...: FYI - I too will be molesting myself tonight. Okay, now you can die happy. :p; 5/27/2006 5:21 PM
Avitable said...: Dawn: Actually, "too honest" would be saying "I'm going to get naked, whip out my cock, stroke it with the coconut aloe I have, and stick carrots up my ass while reading your Playboys tonight". So it could have been much, much worse.

Carolyn: Porn should always be new. Believe it (or not), but I don't look at the pictures in Playboy very often. I actually enjoy the articles and interviews. If I want porn, I don't want some airbrushed softcore shit!

Grant: Thank you for making my evening oh-so-much better.; 5/27/2006 8:15 PM
Julianne said...: my mom wants to auction her old 45's on ebay...i said i would do it for her....dont know how tho lol any advice; 5/28/2006 9:23 AM
The Stiltwalker said...: that's what you get for selling to people in Zimbabwe; 5/31/2006 2:55 PM
Avitable said...: Zimbabwe?; 5/31/2006 2:57 PM

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I am Avitable. Currently, I live in Orlando, where I collect comic books and masturbate to midget horse porn. I am married, and my wife lets me be the true geek that I am. I fear vegetables and sunlight. I love my friends and family dearly and hate everyone else tremendously.

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This blog is the personal property and private opinion of Adam Heath Avitable. This blog is a work of fiction, the names in this blog are fictitious, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. On a less serious note, if you're reading this, you agree to send me three dollars for every word you have read. Just by reading this far, you owe me $111.00 now. If you are wearing pants or any type of pant-like clothing, you must remove them immediately. This blog is pants-free. If you're sitting in your underwear and socks, you're ok by me. You further agree that you have a sense of humor, you're not easily offended, and you can quote at least 28 lines from "The Simpsons" ("Me fail English? That's unpossible!" doesn't count). If you know me pre-blog, you must comment on at least one article. It's only fair. I'd do it for you. C'mon, just do it. Come on! Come on! Come on! If you're new to this blog, then you'd better fucking comment. Why bother reading it otherwise, jerk? If you have any amateur porn on your computer of you and your loved ones engaging in interesting activities, please send it to me immediately. You will get nothing in return. If while readi1ng this blog, you laugh hysterically, fall off your seat, pee just a little in your pants, and pull down your monitor on your head, I'm not liable. If you get up in disgust and walk away, completely unamused, trip on the mass of wires next to your computer and end up with your mouse lodged in your right eyesocket, I'm not liable. If you're reading this blog and you fall asleep because it sucks horribly, and you land facefirst on your keyboard and have a permanent "Y" stuck in your forehead, I'm not liable, but send me a pic so I can laugh at you. If you suffer emotional distress from my laughing at you, then you can sue. VERY IMPORTANT!! If you have, at any point in your life, participated in or enjoyed any of the following activities (watched wrestling, visited a NASCAR track more than once, watched Jeff Foxworthy, finger fucked your cousin, know one or two country music stations by their call sign, name and slogan, eaten roadkill, purchased furniture or electronics from rent-to-own, slept in your own puke for more than one consecutive evening, or worn a baseball cap backwards), you must close this window, shut off your computer, grab the nearest utensil, and shove it directly into your belly button. Then lift straight up, twisting a little, until you feel a slight *twinge*. If you've read this far, you can Paypal me $1266.00 now.

Creepy

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