Birthday wishes

Happy birthday, Britt!

While there are a few other birthdays today, too, it is my duty to celebrate Miss Britt's first and foremost!

At the tender age of 27, Britt has accomplished more than you can ever imagine. I'm sorry if this embarrasses you, Britt, but I have to list some of your amazing accomplishments:

1. At the age of 12, she won an Academy Award for portraying the daughter of Carrie Fisher in "Mommie Dearest 2: The Reckoning."
2. She has given birth to fourteen children (one every nine months since she turned 18), but her ob/gyn says that her vagina is that of a four year old boy.
3. For three years, she was number 6 on the FBI's Top Ten Most Wanted Criminals list due to confusion with her name and that of convicted serial killer Brett who shared the same last name.
4. Britt holds the Guiness Book's World Record for drunk flashing after going to Mardi Gras and showing 43,410 people her tits while she was drunk on Jagermeister.
5. Warren Buffett calls her when he needs financial advice. Unfortunately, she always thinks it's Jimmy Buffett and starts singing "Margaritaville".
6. During an adventurous sales trip, she actually sold ice to Eskimos.
7. While she is obsessed with Prince, she will never admit this stems from a childhood encounter with an effeminate midget at a circus in Minneapolis who gave her free cotton candy.
8. The term "MILF", as coined in American Pie, was actually created when the film's writers ran into Britt during a shopping trip at the Mall of America.
9. Britt can run a 10-mile marathon, smoke a pack of cigarettes, drink a bottle of wine, and juggle four chainsaws without breaking a sweat, blindfolded!

So go on over and visit her and wish her a happy birthday and worship her a little, just like she deserves!

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