TMI, part three

Don't forget to catch up with parts one and two of this four-hundred part series.

Bobgirrl asks: "If there is only one food you can eat for the rest of your life and your two choices are BACON or cheese, which would you choose and why?"

I will choose meat over non-meat anytime, unless it's chocolate vs. meat. Ideally, some type of bacon and cheese combination would be available, but otherwise, I'd just chow down on bacon all day long. It's so damn good!

Motherdear sneaks another question in: "Are you going to answer all these questions???"


m asks: "If you could be any meerkat, what meerkat would you be?"

Wow, what an insightful and clever question. Sigh. You know, Motherdear brought up an excellent question about whether or not I'm going to expend my brainpower answering all the questions. My answer of "No" was supposed to be a quick amusing answer without any explanation, but seeing the genius of this gem of a query, I'm contemplating fulfilling the destiny of my previous response. Contemplation over - it's decided.

Stiltwalker asks: "I'd like to know your gross annual income and how can I be a recipient of any of that amount? Thanks."

It's less than a million dollars. For now. And I'd be happy to send you a quarter.

Katie asks: "I have watched wrestling, watched Jeff Foxworthy, know one or two country music stations by their call sign, name and slogan, and worn a baseball cap backwards. Your disclaimer said I should leave. But I like it here. Will you let me lurk anyway? (If I promise not to ever do any of these things again?)"

Sighhhhhhh. I guess so. Your blog is pretty clever and amusing, which belies an interest in those things, so you get a pass. Carry on!

Poppy asks: "Is the force with you?"

Yes it is. The dark side of the force, that is. Light side's for pussies.

Denise asks: "Do ya think you could pop this zit on my ass?"

Of course I could (the force is with me), but I think I'll choose not to.

Beth asks: "1. Do you think pregnant women are ugly? ;) 2. Have you ever had a dream that you were being butt-raped, but then woken up and your butt was, in fact, sore? 3. Is it moral for my husband to sleep with my gay professor in order for me to get an "A" in his class?"

1. Generally speaking, yes. You, however are different. You're a beautiful and glowing creature.

2. How did you know? And it was butt-love, not butt-rape.

3. Yes. As Avitapope, I consider grades to be of high importance, and as long as your husband has your blessing, it's completely moral.

HotCoffeeGirl asks: "Which came first?"

I do.

And that's it! Finally! I guess if any stragglers post additional questions, I'll answer them later, but I'm worn out. And I guarantee that every single one of those answers is 100% honest!

Thanks for playing, and now it's time to pick the best question and the winner of the grand prize!

For his thought-provoking and literally probing question "How many magic markers can you fit into your ass at once?", Clown is our grand prize winner!

He is the lucky winner of a beautiful autographed picture of yours truly. Just click the small version below to get an 8X10-sized photo that you can print out, frame and put it on the ceiling above your bed for hours of night-time masturbatory fun! Congratulations, Clown!

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