Hatin' time

I've decided to list some of the people, things, and places that I hate. What purpose does this serve? Well, it will let you know exactly where I stand on a number of issues. I have no problem being friends with people who have diametrically opposing viewpoints, so it's okay if you disagree with some of my assertions. Some.

I hate:

Extremists. If you think that Pat Robertson, Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh, Jesse Jackson, Ann Coulter, Al Sharpton, or Bill O'Reilly "tells it like it is," grow a brain. If you can't wrap your head around the idea of moderation, please go wrap your car around a telephone pole. Your way is not right. Other people have valid opinions and perspectives. There is not one correct worldview, nor will there ever be. If we compromise, we all win. See how easy that is?

Chicken wings. I have this bizarre thing about eating things with my hands. I'm okay if there's a buffer of bread, so sandwiches and burgers don't bother me. Neither do fries, for some strange reason.But it's something about ribs, chicken wings, and buffalo wings that I just can't stand. If I was ever forced to eat them, I'd have to use a fork and knife.

Ugly people. I just have a bias against ugly people. As famed Dr. Dorian would say: "My heart hates uggos." And I'm not talking about people who are unique or just look different - I hate people that meet my strange definition of ugly. Two celebrities come to mind: Glenn Close and Meryl Streep. I pray every night that the two of them will get into a head-on collision with each other, resulting in unrecognizable corpses that have been completely destroyed. Is that so wrong? But then you take someone like Paul Giamatti, Juliette Lewis, Steve Buscemi, Rachel Dratch or Clint Howard - actors who aren't normally considered attractive - and I have no problem with them. So I can't exactly define what "ugly" is to me - I just know it when I see it, and then I swerve my car to try to hit it.

Pants. There's something about that little space of freedom from the knee down to the ankle that I require. Wearing shorts that even go down mid-shin is okay, but when it comes to something that's going to reach your ankle, I vehemently oppose it. In college, I got kicked out of my fraternity because I refused to dress up (and I refused to go run errands for the seniors in the middle of the night and I refused to buy friends with the flawed Greek system). In law school, there was no dress code. I worked for small law firms that didn't require business attire except for the rare courtroom appearance. When I moved to LA, I interviewed at one job dressed in a suit, but once I got the job, it was nothing but shorts. In the last 12 years, I've probably only worn a pair of pants 8, maybe 9 times. And I'd like to keep it that way.

The mall. The mall is defunct. You can get better prices online and in other stores, there are too many obnoxious little teenyboppers and horrible parents with their screaming shits and old people clogging up every place you want to walk. Why on earth anyone would want to go to the mall today is beyond me and I think anyone who does suffers from some form of mental retardation.

That's it for today's list of "Things Avitable Hates." I'll hoard my vitriol until I have enough for another post.

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