Avitable-isms: Tact is for the weak: Hump Day

Hump Day

Wednesday is usually a good day, because I get my weekly order of comic books. That means that I'll get between 20-40 new comic books that will occupy my free time and my time in the "throne room" for the next two or three days.

It also usually means that I have an episode of Veronica Mars recorded from last night that I can watch today when I eat my lunch, and that always makes me happy.

I'm also finally going to shave my head and get rid of this beard, so that will be nice. While I enjoy being able to frighten away small children (and adults) just by scowling, the constant attack of birds trying to nest on my head or my chin just gets annoying.

I'm thinking of going to this new barbershop called "Carr's". They do old-school barbering including shaving with an actual blade. I don't know if I'm going to go for that, but if I do, here in the land of retards (Orlando), there's a high chance my throat will accidentally get cut. So if I don't post anything tomorrow, you'll know that I slowly died in a pool of my own blood in a barber's chair while some pimple-faced teenager ran around with a bloody razor squealing "Oh my God" in a squeaky pubescent voice. My wife will automatically be a millionaire, so any of you men (or women) who think you're worthy can give her a call. Toodles!

0 Thoughts:

|

I am Avitable. Currently, I live in Orlando, where I collect comic books and masturbate to midget horse porn. I am married, and my wife lets me be the true geek that I am. I fear vegetables and sunlight. I love my friends and family dearly and hate everyone else tremendously.

AICN

The grandfather of entertainment websites.
eBaum

Immature humor stolen from other people. What's not to like?
Fark

It's not news. It's Fark.
Fazed

Humor, videos, mind-boggling games, and immature trolls bashing each other online.
Filmrot

When it's updated, it's a nice source for movie news and discussion.
Superhero Hype!

Geek time.
Useless Junk

Mainly useful for the porn.
TWOP

Television Without Pity is by far the most cynical, snarkiest, rudest, most obnoxious site on the web. And I love it!
Acme

Geek discussion board. Comics, movies, you name it.
Avitable.com

My personal site.
Myspace

Yes. I'm on Myspace. I use it to find 12-year old girls to have sex with.
Newsarama

Lookee! More comic news!

My Blog Directory

Subscribe in a reader

This blog is the personal property and private opinion of Adam Heath Avitable. This blog is a work of fiction, the names in this blog are fictitious, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. On a less serious note, if you're reading this, you agree to send me three dollars for every word you have read. Just by reading this far, you owe me $111.00 now. If you are wearing pants or any type of pant-like clothing, you must remove them immediately. This blog is pants-free. If you're sitting in your underwear and socks, you're ok by me. You further agree that you have a sense of humor, you're not easily offended, and you can quote at least 28 lines from "The Simpsons" ("Me fail English? That's unpossible!" doesn't count). If you know me pre-blog, you must comment on at least one article. It's only fair. I'd do it for you. C'mon, just do it. Come on! Come on! Come on! If you're new to this blog, then you'd better fucking comment. Why bother reading it otherwise, jerk? If you have any amateur porn on your computer of you and your loved ones engaging in interesting activities, please send it to me immediately. You will get nothing in return. If while readi1ng this blog, you laugh hysterically, fall off your seat, pee just a little in your pants, and pull down your monitor on your head, I'm not liable. If you get up in disgust and walk away, completely unamused, trip on the mass of wires next to your computer and end up with your mouse lodged in your right eyesocket, I'm not liable. If you're reading this blog and you fall asleep because it sucks horribly, and you land facefirst on your keyboard and have a permanent "Y" stuck in your forehead, I'm not liable, but send me a pic so I can laugh at you. If you suffer emotional distress from my laughing at you, then you can sue. VERY IMPORTANT!! If you have, at any point in your life, participated in or enjoyed any of the following activities (watched wrestling, visited a NASCAR track more than once, watched Jeff Foxworthy, finger fucked your cousin, know one or two country music stations by their call sign, name and slogan, eaten roadkill, purchased furniture or electronics from rent-to-own, slept in your own puke for more than one consecutive evening, or worn a baseball cap backwards), you must close this window, shut off your computer, grab the nearest utensil, and shove it directly into your belly button. Then lift straight up, twisting a little, until you feel a slight *twinge*. If you've read this far, you can Paypal me $1266.00 now.