Valentine's Day

Obviously, I have a sense of humor. And it goes without saying that I couldn't be married to someone who didn't also have a great sense of humor. Being able to make each other laugh is one of the foundations of our relationship.

So, every year, for Valentine's Day, I try to come up with something witty for the card that comes with her house flowers (I send her flowers to her work and to the house). Usually, this witty card has something to do with the oh-so subtle comparison of V.D. with, well, VD. And I never put her name or mine, because she knows who they're from, so that seems unnecessary.

I hope your VD brings you more love and less swelling and itching.


Don't be crabby! It's VD!


You get the idea.

The best one I ever did was two years ago: a sheer stroke of genius that still makes me laugh:

Happy VD! You're gonorrheally love these!


So, two years ago, I'm home when her flowers are delivered. I'm looking forward to getting them set up on the table with the card because when she gets home from work, I know that she'll absolutely die laughing. So I set the flowers up, and open the card. I'm dismayed to read this instead:

Dearest Linda,
I love you more than anything in the world. You mean everything to me, and I will never be able to truly express how much I truly love and need you. Love, Eric


So I call the florist and tell the person who answered what happened. She apologizes profusely and says that she'd be happy to send out a new bouquet in a week or so, and that way we can get more flowers for longer. Our subsequent conversation went like this:

"Well, I appreciate that, and I think we would like you to send us extra flowers."

"Okay, sir. I can take care of that immediately."

"There is one other thing, though. Have you read what my card was supposed to say?"

"No. Let me pull that up. . . . . BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gladys, come look at this. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Ma'am, the prob-"

"BWAHAHAHAHAH"

"The prob"

"BWAHAHAHAH"

"The pr-"

"BWAHAHA"

"The"

"BWAHA"

"The problem is that I don't put my name or my wife's name on the card. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

She pauses, stops laughing, and says, "No."

"Well, if I got Eric and Linda's card, which obviously has a very heartfelt, romantic and serious message, then this means that Linda received a card with no names on it that simply says:"

Happy VD! You're gonorrheally love these!



I still feel bad for that poor bastard, Eric.


Update: This post made it to the front page of Drivl! Please go visit and leave some comments saying how awesome I am.

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