1. I liked to roll my sleeves up because I thought it looked cool and it showed off my trunk-like arms. However, the sleeves would always roll down throughout the day, so I came up with a handy solution. I stapled the sleeves to my arm. Yup. I opened the staples, hit it against my arm and stapled through the sleeve into the flesh of my arm. I can't believe I didn't get tetanus or something from doing this. And, of course, all of my sleeves had two tiny holes with little bloodstains, too.
2. I was the most aggressive driver you've ever known. I don't care how fast you drove in school or the crazy shit you did or your friend did or your brother did. I was much, much worse. I had a huge Chrysler Fifth Avenue that I would take off-roading, jumping hills and spinning out. If I was behind two cars going the same direction on a two lane road, I would actually drive between them and force them to the outer edge of their respective lanes. I would stand up in the sunroof and drive with my foot. I would drive this car so fast, with a speedometer that stopped at 100, that the speedometer would spin almost around to 0, things would blur around me, and the car would start to shimmy, almost like when a plane takes off. I'm still an aggressive driver, now, and much of that is because I survived being a kid, but I'm very aware of my surroundings when I drive. But I'm not nearly that bad anymore.
3. During lunch, I would sit in the cafeteria with a few friends and we would try to stump each other with Calculus problems that we'd make up on the spot. When we got bored with that, we'd see who could name the most elements of the Periodic Table in order.
4. I used compact mirrors to create shoe mirrors for looking up the skirts of the girls I liked. I was discovered when I was trying to stretch my foot out and fell out of my chair. Luckily, it wasn't in the middle of class - just the girl and I as teacher aides. I can only imagine what would have happened with today's overly litigious over-reactive society. I probably would have gone to jail as a sex offender. I would also give shoulder massages to girls, and while massaging, I would use a finger on each side to lift their bra away from their body so I could look right down the front of their shirt without them even noticing a thing.
5. I worked for several different movie places - retail, rental, etc. During that time, I stole hundreds of dollars worth of movies. In the rental place, it was easy. After a movie was no longer on the main rack, we took a few of them that we made pre-viewed and available for sale. We then deleted these from the system completely per company policy. This meant, however, that there was no record of the quantity of them out there or how many we sold. I just took one of each, every time. In the retail place, a friend would just come in, pick the movies he wanted, plus the ones I wanted, an walk up to the register. I would pretend to ring him out, scan all of his movies, put them in a bag with a fake receipt, and he would walk right out the door. All in front of the cameras and even sometimes the manager. We would also go to different music places, go to the discount bin, and find CDs that were selling for $1. Then we would walk around the store, carefully peel the labels off, and then put them on the CDs we really wanted. The cashier would just ring them up by scanning the label and voila!
Filed in: avitable, avitable-isms
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