Why I'm Wonderful

Kal did this and I decided it would be a good Sunday post:

If you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be?

That's an easy one. Sonny Crockett.

If you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be?

I'd go back in time and kill Peter Jackson as a baby so that we would never have had those abominations on film called the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Name the cartoon character you identify with the most.

Cartoon character? Is Comic Book Guy (aka Louis Lane) from The Simpsons too much of a stretch? But he's the loser-type geek, so that doesn't work. Probably Space Ghost, then.

If you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be?

That day when I was out in Punxsutawney reporting on the groundhog. I remember waking up that morning and Sonny and Cher were playing on the radio "I Got You Babe". I met a friend of mine who sold insurance and tried to hook up with my producer, who looked a lot like Andie MacDowell. I'd love to live that day over and over again.

If you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be?

I can't pick just one. William M. Gaines (co-founder of MAD Magazine). John Candy. Charlie Chaplin. Bill Hicks. George Burns.

What is the one thing you lost, sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?

Other than my soul? I really wish I could get back those racy photos I sold to "Gay Men's Quarterly". I was young and needed the money.

What is your one most important contribution to this world?

My church has brought enlightenment to tens of people. The contribution I'll eventually make to the gene pool will probably outshadow that.

What is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about?

I don't hide my talents. What's the point? I make sure each person knows about all of the hundreds of ways that I am talented.

What is your most cherished possession?

My glorious wonderful TV.

What one person influenced your life the most when growing up?

I have to pick one? William M. Gaines.

What one word describes you better than any other?

Hugepenis. And if you sticklers are going to say that doesn't count, then "sarcastic". Intelligent. Twisted. Evil. Amusing. I don't know. Go fill out my Johari window and you tell me!

UPDATE: Here's my Nohari window, with negative personality attributes. If you fill it out, put your fuckin' name. Don't be a pussy and be anonymous - nothing you can ever say will hurt my feelings or make me dislike you. I'm fully aware of every single one of my negative attributes. I revel in most of them!

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