Things that scare me:
1. Vegetables
2. Ugly people
3. Long pants
People that make me laugh:
1. Sarah Silverman
2. Bill Cosby
3. Steven Wright
Things I love:
1. Bacon cheeseburgers
2. Television
3. Michael J. Fox
Things I hate:
1. The uneducated
2. The ignorant
3. The rest
Things I don’t understand:
1. American Idol's popularity
2. Why cake isn't healthy when it has eggs and milk and flour
3. Where babies come from
Things on my desk:
1. A tower of Diet Coke cans
2. A pile of porn, comic books and magazines
3. Jolt caffeinated gum
Things I’m doing right now:
1. Swordfighting
2. Speaking with a sexy Spanish accent
3. Cutting a "Z" into everything
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Buy a villa in Italy
2. Buy a home in California
3. Streak through a high school
Things I can do:
1. Pound my chest
2. Throw feces with unerring aim
3. Challenge other gorillas and win
Things you should listen to:
1. Me
2. Avril Lavigne
3. Gwen Stefani
Things you should never listen to:
1. Your conscience
2. Anyone on a street corner who is clearly homeless
3. Justin Timberlake
Things I would like to learn:
1. How to read
2. Why it's not good to punch people when you first meet them
3. How to assemble a nuclear weapon
Favorite foods:
1. Bacon cheeseburger
2. Filet Mignon
3. Birthday cake
Favorite beverages:
1. Diet Coke
2. Diet Coke with Lime
3. Hot chocolate
TV shows I watched, books I read as a kid:
1. The Hardy Boys
2. The Judy Blume novels
3. The Great Brain series
4. Encyclopedia Brown
Things I like about Avitable:
1. He's funny.
2. He's obviously a fucking genius.
3. He's damn sexy.
And that's it for today. If you're up for it, steal this and do it yourself.
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