I normally don't remember my dreams. Usually I work until I fall asleep at my desk, then fall into bed, sleep a few hours, then wake up and start working again, so I might never really have the time to dream. I don't know.

However, I learned that going to bed within an hour of eating Friendly's (Frisco Melt burger, waffle fries covered in cheese, Cookies & Cream sundae), I'm going to have the weirdest fucking dreams in the world. Here's what I remember:

1. I woke up being smothered by a blanket. I pushed off the bed and knocked four people to the ground. They all had masks on, and I ripped one of their masks off but they didn't have a face, just a blank template. The four tiny attackers (they were each about 5'3" and 100 pounds) jumped on me. I grabbed one in a headlock, threw another through the window, stepped on the neck of the third, and pounded my fist on the top of the head of the fourth. Then I threw each of them in the pool and drowned them and went back to bed.

2. This one concerned a certain blonde blogger who shall remain nameless. I was outside of my house and she was standing there smoking a cigarette. Before I could say anything, a red corvette pulled up and we got in and drove away. We started driving really fast, like exhilaratingly so, weaving in and out of traffic (no we didn't go into any tunnels for you Freudian fuckers out there), and then we arrived at my house, which was the same but different. I got out and she drove off. I don't think we said a single word.

3. I was eating a bacon cheeseburger and having sex while watching someone take a shower. All of the people in the dream were blurry, but I remember worrying about dripping ketchup on her breasts. That's when I woke up to my alarm this morning.

So, what do you think? Any backseat psychologists out there?

And don't forget!

Go to the thread below and ask a question that I will answer. Any question on any topic, no matter how bizarre or personal. I'll keep the comments open for another day or two before I start answering, so get on it! Best question gets a prize!

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