Before I get to my post, a few items on the agenda.

  • Today, as is every March 14th, is Steak and Blowjob Day. Don't neglect your male significant other. If you don't have a male significant other, a lonely male co-worker or friend is fine.

  • If you haven't yet visited Britt and read all of the great guest posts there, go now, and leave comments on my post. Britt has agreed to flash her boobs to the guest poster that gets the most comments, so I need to make sure I win that one.

  • I'm still working on a 50 things video, but it might have to wait for next week. We'll see.

So, we went to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World yesterday. We physically stepped into the park at 10 and walked out at 3, and managed to see everything that is worth seeing in the park in that time.

The Haunted Mansion: This ride is showing its age. From the unintentional clankiness of the car you're in, the overly dark areas that make it hard to enjoy the props, to the sound problems with the narration, I just don't find this ride to be any fun anymore. There is so much they could do with it, but right now, unless you're under the age of 10, don't bother.

The Great Thunder Mountain Railroad: Still fun, even after all of these years. I seemed to remember another long incline with a drop, but either it's not as long as I remembered or they changed the ride. I would have liked it to last about a minute longer and have a few longer drops, though.

Splash Mountain: Even though the big drop at the end and the few little drops during the ride are fun, it is probably one of the most useless rides there. The one diorama where Brer Bear is face to face with his own crotch was a bit disturbing. We did get a picture as we went down the falls, though.

Pirates of the Caribbean: What a shitty ride. This one used to be more fun, but they took out the fun parts and added stupid ones. The only cool part was the beginning, where there is a sheet of mist that has a holographic projection of Davy Jones on it that you ride through. The animatronic Johnny Depp figures were eerily accurate, but the rest of the ride was just stupid and disappointing. With a trilogy of movies that will make them a billion dollars, you'd think they could re-do the ride completely to make it actually fun. But nope.

Carousel of Progress: This one is just as bizarre and hilarious as I remember. It's a theater that rotates through four different rooms. Each room is the home of the main character as he progresses through time. First, it's around 1900, and he's talking about iceboxes and a coal oven. Then, it's around 1920, and we have automobiles and electricity. Next is the 1940's, with television and a refrigerator. Then (and this is the weirdest part), they skip to sometime that must supposedly be the late 1990s, because they talk about the new turn of the century. But they also talk about laserdisc and high definition television in the same sentence, voice-operated ovens, and a virtual reality video game that is controlled by a visor and a glove. It's very odd, but good for a laugh. I would love for them to actually update this - go from the 1900s to the 1940s then the 1960s, and finally now, but I doubt they'll ever do it. This ride was so empty - there were only about 8 people in the theater with us.

Space Mountain: The sign said the wait was 80 minutes, but apparently they're fucking retarded, because 30 minutes later we were getting into our little rocket. I was in the last car, which is always frightening because you feel like you're going to whiplash off of the ride. Space Mountain was fun, too, but it just feels like it could also be updated to do even more.

All in all, we had fun, but staying there any longer would have driven me crazy. It's not somewhere I could go every month or even every year, but I'm glad I at least went, since the last time was 7 or 8 years ago. Oh well, I probably won't head back to Disney for at least another 5-10 years, so maybe they'll get off their ass and realize that they're sadly behind the times and ridiculously outdated.

We didn't bother bringing our camera, so here's my rendition of our trip:

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